Updated: Apr 13
Today I had the sense that a future me wanted to come and have a word in my ear. Because the future me is a kind soul as I am now and because she knows me well I decided to listen. She also gets straight to the point as I know from past experience. There would be no messing around.
Now, if you are struggling with the idea of a future me or a future you coming for a word, then maybe it will help if I give you a suggestion. Instead of a future you, it might be more helpful if you imagine that you have travelled high up above you and you are looking down observing things from afar. It’s all about getting a bit of distance from yourself and a bit of objectivity going on. You must look with kind eyes. You might know it as your higher self.
So here’s what I heard when she appeared and I tuned in to listen. It went something like this:
“Grace ….. Grace, no stop what you are doing and listen. You’ve had a lot going on in the past year and things are about to change. It’s been a shit of year. How about if you take a bit of time to notice and see if anything needs your attention?”
Straight to the point like I said. I like her style. She doesn’t mess around and she’s kind with it. Once she had caught my attention she slows down and softens, those warm eyes looking at me. She continues:
“Look what you’ve been through in the past year. You were going along as normal and then lockdown happened. I know you acted like you could handle all of this but it was tough on you, wasn’t it?”
“You had to adapt and manage everything that came along, right? You found out that you were resilient but you had so much to deal with too. You got used to so much that you never would have imagined just a year ago. You’ve done your absolute best, haven’t you?”
I nod again. It felt good to notice how it had been. I appreciated that she saw me as she did. My eyes became a little wet with tears.
“Look how it has been in your relationship. Look how you faced the challenges. Can you see the things that you were good at together? What was it about you and what was it about them that made those times good?”
I pondered and my heart felt warm and appreciative. I could see that good things had been there.
“What about the things that could have been better? Can you see what made those times hard? What was it about you and what was it about them that made those times difficult?”
Once again, I was grateful for her questions. We had been through a lot. I could see how her questions were helping me to make sense of this time. It felt really good. I could see that looking at those hard times and those good times could help us make things work better in the future.
The future me faded away but a few days later, she came back.
“I can see that you are taking in this sense of how things have been. Looks like you are putting a few things into place. How would it be to look at how life might unfold from here? I know you have dreams that you want to see happen. Let’s make space for them, shall we?”
I took another breath. She was right. There were so many things that had been put on hold. So much had changed in so much ‘nothingness’. It was weird. I could sense that as I got back to life, I would see things in a new way because of what had happened. I couldn’t go back. Only forwards. This is part of what I needed to make sense of before I moved ahead.
I thought about things I would be able to go to once life was up and running again. What about going to places with crowds? What about hugging? Would I ever be able to let go of thinking where people were to keep away from them? What would it be like to get close again?
I thought about my relationship. Would things change there? What was my partner thinking about as the end of lockdown came closer? How would they want things to be now that we would be able to be freer? Would we be the same as we were? Would we get over the difficult things? Would those difficult things stand in the way of our love?
“I can see you’ve got some things to think about as we get closer to lockdown lifting. How would it be to have a talk with your partner before life goes on and suddenly things are open again? Do you think you might get some common ground about how to move ahead and what you both want and need?”
As usual, she was spot on. A talk would be good. The words “I would love to have a chat about the end of lockdown” were already forming on my lips.
Once again, she faded away and I went back to the washing up. Later, you and I would be able to talk.