Updated: Mar 15
It’s been quite some time that you've been having what you could call relationship problems. They are - problems in your relationship, I mean – but that’s not the end of the story.
You see, deep down you know that it really comes from things that happened to you in your childhood. You were so beautiful, soft and open then – so trusting. You’ll see that in any child that you come across. Take a look when you are out on a walk some time.
You loved your parents and as the child that you were, you wanted to be loved in a way that you could trust. You wanted to feel safe. You wanted to feel that those adults knew what you needed. You wanted them to share in the delight you were feeling about life.
When that didn’t happen, and let’s face it we all have that experience, life started to lose its shine. When you got really hurt, part of you said no to relationship. Part of you decided that if the people who took care of you could hurt you as well, then you would look after yourself from then on. You would keep the open and trusting part of you separate and hidden.
The trouble is that when you met your partner, those parts still didn’t feel open and trusting. Sure, it was all flowers and sunshine to begin with but then those parts that you hold back started to show. You didn’t know it right way but in those quiet moments you began to see.
The thing is, your partner also has these parts that they are hiding out in. They have had their disappointments in life just like you have. You have found ourselves in a dance where you move around each other either avoiding the places that got hurt or prodding them to get a reaction. It’s gotten to a place where you love each other but you need help. This has gotten too big. You can’t get through this on your own.
So you approached me, Grace Walker, a relationship therapist you found out about and had a call with me. You were pretty nervous. You didn’t know what you were getting into. But I listened. You said that I seemed to get it – really get it. You said I helped you to see how the ‘landscape of change’ as I called it might look. That I showed you a way beyond what you are experiencing now.
Suddenly you are about to start on a new journey. You're feeling relieved now you’ve taken the step and talked with me. You're feeling strangely excited and hopeful. Then you get really scared. I told you this was a normal part of change and you said that remembering this would help.
I also said that these concerns are a normal part of stepping out of your comfort zone into your growth zone. “Growth zone” that’s a new one for you but now I've mentioned that, you can see what I'm saying. You said it was like you can’t expect everything to be cruising along now as it was. Like you’ve got to put the engine into a different gear and engage in the route you are taking in a different way.
You’ve got a new path ahead of you. Now you're thinking “Can I really do this? What would happen in my life, in my relationship if I was actually successful? Your legs feel wobbly just thinking about it. There’s that excitement and trepidation again.
You’ve booked an appointment for next week. You said that when you think back to our conversation and when you get under your nerves, you have a good feeling about me and the work we are going to do together. I'm looking forward to being there with you,